So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
