U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
