I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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