I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
