eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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