It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
