You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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