The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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