listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
