If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
