I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
