I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
