don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize