Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
