your parents love me but you hate me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm like, not good at living.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
