i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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