Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
