Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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