just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
God I need to hump something, right now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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