Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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