I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize