My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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