3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you never un-have a 4some
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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