Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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