WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
