Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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