it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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