like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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