I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
