Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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