Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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