how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
