I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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