what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
