I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
