I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
