Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
