I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
