I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
