cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
