did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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