your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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