Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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