Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
