We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
