I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
