The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
