That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
