my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
