Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
