I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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