Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
