Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
