and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
