sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
