i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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