Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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