So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
babies were throwing up all over the place
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
