i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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