Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
