overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
