guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
