This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
