anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize