am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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