god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
