I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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