i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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