I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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