I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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