Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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