hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
