He disabled his match.com account in front of me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
