Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
