his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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