walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
