You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was CRYING into my vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
