I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
