he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
