she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
