The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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