things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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