I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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