I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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