Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize