I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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