hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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