when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
