So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
