Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
