3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
